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Me? Updating a blog? Fuck yea.

I don’t even know if anyone is reading this, but for me reading the old entries is quite fun. I wish I hadn’t deleted the older ones. Let me tell you (or myself) whats been up since last time I updated.

Well, my GF came back indeed, and we were together for some time. After that “some time” she left me, went to poland to fuck a guy she found trough MMORPG I introduced to her called “Dofus”. Now if anyone EVER finds this blog and reads this, I can’t imagine the amount of pain inflicted trough laughing. But back then I felt like I was hung from a tree, beaten with a baseball bat and shot in the stomach.  She’s now dating with this polish guy, and best of luck to them. This was three months ago.

Also, three months ago my best friend was  found dead at his apartment, and last week I got to know the reason which was inflation of his heart. I don’t know the exact medical term, that was a rought translation. A long-term problem though, and there was probably nothing to do about it for a long time. Everyone suspected a suicide cause he was the kind of guy that went to extreme with everything; drinking etc. and he had some serious(?) problem with his gf.

So, those two events happened two weeks apart (the latter first). And after that I couldn’t work. I went to work, of course, but I couldn get myself to do shit. I thought of everything from jumping to a train and moving away, to jumping under the train. Of course, I didn’t do either. I felt like I was slowly withering and I didn’t really give a fuck about anything.

Now, what changed all this I’m not sure, but I think it started from me listening to a song from “London Elektricity” called “Just one second”. I had heard it before and thought “what a nice song” but I never really took interest in it. When my colleaque who was listening to it finally sent it to me and I listened it on my way home in my car, I felt so fucking good I can’t describe it. After that I listened to the track all the fucking time, and every time I did I felt good after a long time of feeling like shit. Now – I’ve always loved music, it’s always been part of my life. Theres been kickass songs from kickass artists but nothing could compare to this. The feeling I get from listening to drum’n'bass is something thats simply unmatchable.

That brings me to the end of this entry.  Two weeks ago I was at Konemetsä 2009 – a festival in the middle of a forest where they play all sorts of electronic music. House, techno, psy, trance, progressive, dubstep etcetc and even drum’n'bass. Thursday night at the festival a DJ called Infekto played a dnb set, which of course was awesome as hell. I watched the DJ at work and thought to myself that that’s exactly what I want to do.

I think that was the first time I actually paid attention to a playing DJ. Later I heard hes one of the best around in Finland’s electronic music scene. I don’t know if thats true or not, but it gave me the inspiration I have now. I ordered a few Pioneer’s CDJ-1000 MK3’s and a mixer, and I’ll fucking play the music for the rest of my life.

At last, peace to write my blog. My woman went to another city, 400km from me, to meet her cousin or whatever. Well, it’s not like I enjoy myself that much. That comes after a few partings like these. It’s the first time we’re NOT together in what, 4 months? It’s like, we’ve seen each other every day. Not too hard though since we live together but anyways…

It’s funny how I get this annoying feeling every time I can’t get that significant other close enough to touch her. I require a swift punch, in the face.

Other than that, I’m quite coo. First payday is week away and I can feel rich again. I probably have just about enough money left to get wasted tomorrow. So cool. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t drink my last pennies, though. I might feel bad about it.

Oh yeah, never had the feeling to type about my gf here. Still don’t, but I feel I have to just so I can read it a year from now and see how it all went. Well, I know I’ve never felt like this before. I mean, it’s fucking crazy after you’ve been in a relationship for four goddamn years. I never imagined you can find someone this fitting. This feels like THE relationship. Have I felt like that before? Yeah, probably. But youknow, it’s hard to explain. It wasn’t like I ment it back then, had that unsure feeling where you just know you’re lying to yourself. You all know how it feels. SURE this sounds hypocrite but fuck that and fuck you.

That pretty much sums it up. Well, to me a year from now: I’m happy today… Yeah.. Hope you’re happy now, too.

Lame.

OWEL, g’nite.

Yes, been awhile again. Been quite busy workin at the warehouse… Now, penniless, waiting for the first payday I’ve got pretty +-0 feeling. Nothing lost, nothing gained yet. Well, the hours are better at the new place, and the pay. So I guess I gained something…

I got meself a new monitor, 20.1″ widescreen lcd. After a three months break I got my hands on xbox360 again. The fucker still pissess me off as much as it provides entertainment. +-0 there too. Fuck.

Can’t get rid of smoking. It’s not that I REQUIRE it, just that I feel somethings missing if I don’t go for a smoke every now and then. Plus at work it’s just something I think I couldn’t go without… Surely a cancer would give some inspiration to quit. ;]

Well, it seems that I’ve got to go. My woman requires my attention. I’ll get back to me later. Ta ta~

Ah, there it was. I’m pretty much done. Now I can finally empty my face. It’s been awhile.

Well, now, when I’ve finally obtained my own place irl too (Yes. 48 squaremeters of MY space) the reality hits me. It costs money. Lots of it. Well I knew that, but not this well. I guess I’ll be alright but I gotta forget all those investments I had in mind like… new airsoft equipment, fix the goddamn car, get a new computer etc. Other than that, I’m quite happy now. I like it as it is. Feels safe youknow? No matter what happens I always have this safe heaven to come back to… I gotta admit that every now and then it does feel depressing to retreat here to lick my wounds but still.

Alot has happened… The biggest thing after the new apartment thing would probably be me and my gf… which is now ex-gf. I was with her almost four years, feels like forever if you think of it now. Why did I do it? I’ve given it a bit of thought and I’ve come to the conlusion that the reason was purely something in the lines of “she wasn’t my kind of a girl”. Someone should ask now how could I have been four years with someone and not notice that? I did notice it. But it felt safe. After a few too many failed relationships it felt safe. But you can’t bask in that safeness, life’s gonna kick you in the face eventually. Without going too much into the details I’ll leave it at that.

I do have a new significant other now, and she is… different. I tried thinking of something to write about her but I’ll not. Too hard and I’m tired.

In 5 days, I’m no longer a security guard. Those 14 hour shifts consisting of: Pointless wandering, catching shoplifters, more pointless wandering, answering annoying calls mostly about some bullshit like “wh.. uh wha? where did I call? oh hehe wrong number”, etc. wasn’t really my thing. I’ve decided to go and work in a warehouse. Yes, it’s more pointless but at least I’m doing something you can call work. And ah, they pay is better, and the days are shorter. I could get a dog now.

Well, whatever, life feels more like life along with these new changes. Let’s see where it gets me.